I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
