At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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