He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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