Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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