Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
