How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
