I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You took a bar mat shot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
