You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
