After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
