A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
