We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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