Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
