have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
smell my finger.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
