I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Less talking, more tequila
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
