Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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