You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
