please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
