yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
