She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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