you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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