Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
