Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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