hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
