I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize