She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
