So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
