Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
