my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
