i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
