Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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