From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
