We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
