i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
