the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
