I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
