You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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