why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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