Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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