It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
