So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
