my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
