Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
