This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
