And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize