bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
