Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
