i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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