were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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