i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
