i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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