I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
