saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alive.
So much puke
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
