one might say we're banned from that church
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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