so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
