as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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