THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
