what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
