Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
