he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
