1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
