My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize