eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
