Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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