am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
