So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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