listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im part way to drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
