I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to calm my uterus...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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